Teen Ache

Airtel Plannin gto Cut Sms Cost to 2 ps

2008-07-23T02:01:00.000-07:00

There is a good news to us all..After Vodafone,airtel has decided to reduce the price of its sms packge by 8 paisa,bring the cost of sms to just 2 ps, it also plans to reduce the calling rates of which the data is not so authentic, but since the government has made the initiatives to reduce the call rates..it seems the good old days of cheap sms are coming to live again

Gud Newws Guys :TRAI Allows Differential Tariffs

2008-05-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

ubscibers and operators of mobile services can now rejoice! The Telecom Regulatory Authority of India (TRAI) has asked the Department of Telecommunications (DoT), not to ban mobile operators from offering customers intra-network discounts. TRAI says that its move is in the best interests of consumers.

Across the globe, operators offer lower tariffs to subscribers for calls terminating within their own networks. In India too, most mobile operators follow the same tradition.

For example, Airtel-to-Airtel local calls cost Re 1 per minute, while Hutch-to-Hutch local calls cost 50 paise per minute under their "Talk 299" scheme. Reliance Infocomm charges 40 paise per minute, for calls made to its own network. Further, large mobile operators charge lower STD calls for intra-circle networks.

Earlier DoT had planned to issue a directive, asking telecom operators to withdraw discriminating tariffs for intra-network calls. If such a directive had indeed been issued, over 60m mobile subscribers would have suffered the burden of increased tariffs.

Regarding its latest ruling, TRAI told DoT that it had analysed the tariff plans of various service providers and the resultant findings were that these tariff plans are both consumer friendly and increase competition.

TRAI said that its decision was in keeping with the objectives of DoT and that if a directive against intra-network discounts had been allowed, there would be a demand for similar discounts with respect to fixed-mobile and fixed-fixed calls.

According to official sources, the Prime Minister's Office (PMO) has directed DoT not to bypass TRAI and to seek its prior approval before going ahead with any tariff-related directive.

IPL Tickets for Sale

2008-05-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

yea, due to the huge demand by my visitors for the info of the site to book the ipl tickets, here is the link

www.ticketspro.in/ipl

Our Nano?

2008-05-05T10:44:00.000-07:00

Seldom do we see cars that rewrite the history books even before they are seen running around on the roads. And hardly ever do we see cars that vow to put the nation on four wheels. The Tata Nano is one such car – a car that has been in the news for quite a few years, for reasons good and evil. Nano is a car which has breathed into life due to one man. Give credit to Mr. Ratan Tata for his determination to build a low cost family car that has come true, finally! Took long it did, but the Nano came in a beautiful form. Touted as world’s cheapest car by a far cry, Nano has been the talk of the town around the globe. Head honchos of big organizations have been pouring in by numbers to have a look at this engineering masterpiece. We bring you some interesting bits.

Looks:

Numbers first.
Length – 3100mm
Width – 1500mm
Height – 1600mm
Wheelbase – 2230mm.
Ground Clearance – 180mm

You will be wondering why I am talking about the dimensions of the Nano, since all of you know that it is a rather compact and tiny machine. It is because I have good reason to talk about the dimensions. You see, the Nano is going to be faced with Maruti 800 as its main rival. But you could throw in the Alto and Zen Estilo to mark out some design and packaging aspects. Just to get things in perspective, Nano is over 230mm shorter than 800 in overall length but the wheelbase advantage of 155mm over the offering from Maruti makes sure that the Nano is more accommodating than the 800. Tata has managed to squeeze out a 60mm advantage in width and Maruti 800 falls short of about 100mm in height. So in essence, you get more legroom, better shoulder room and room more than enough for a turban, if you wear one! But before you enter inside, you are bound to gape in admiration at the beautifully crafted curves of this micro car. I personally feel that the front has a lot of Zen Estilo written on it, but manages to look really funky and cool.

The mono-volume design establishes a sea of change from the two-box layout of the 800. What it ensures the Nano with is extremely short overhangs and tight packaging. For a car of this size and image, the Nano is an extremely sexy looking car with futuristic design cues. The bonnet line is steep and unites together with the bumper in a seamless way. Though there is no ‘grille’ per se, the front has a smiling look which accentuates the ‘happy’ feeling. The fog lamps are incorporated in the bumper which has a distinct air dam running across in between them. In profile, the Nano resembles Mitsubishi’s latest small car ‘i’. The rear of the Nano is somewhat recognizable. The tail lamps are inspired from elder sister, Indica. So this is a very compact hatchback, yes? No my friend, you are massively wrong. Even I was dumbfounded when I discovered that the Nano cannot be called a hatchback – a word so true to the way the small cars are. The reason for this is because it does not have a hatch! The tail gate cannot be opened owing to it being joined together with the boot sill. This makes accessing the engine a pain in the bottom. But a hatchback it will be called still. The back side of the Nano is made attractive by the mid mounted exhaust pipe which peeps out of the aggressively designed bumper.

Interiors:

As attractive as the Nano is on the outside, the same cannot be said for the interior. The plastics feel cheap and it is here that you begin to feel the concern towards the price that Tata was aiming at. The rudimentary knobs and switches point towards the use of materials which would be better off in tractors twenty years old! Dreary and uninspiring by any measure, that’s what one can say about the interior quality and looks. What impressed me though was the layout. Spacious and functional, the dashboard has a curved look which can prove beneficial when it comes to storing items. The Chevy Spark started it for the small cars and the Nano continues on what seems to be the current trend. The instrument binnacle is mid-mounted and the centre console has a swooping form which houses all the important knobs and air con vents. Speakers for the audio system have been incorporated on the rear bench just under the seat area.

The speedo is calibrated to a top whack of 120kmph though we shall reserve our statements on that till we test the car thoroughly. Cash saving activity has gone a bit too far with the sun visor, there’s only one! Please Tata, please, have mercy on the people who will sit on the passenger seat, only to find no sun visor to protect their skin from sun or no vanity mirror for women (men too, going by the current fashion!) to put the make-up on. The centre console, forming a crest in the middle of the dash, can be worrisome if you happen to be as tall as Rajpal Yadav. The seats have integrated head restraints, like in the hugely popular, Hyundai i10. Yes the Nano will be deprived of a lot of creature comforts but to satisfy your salivating mouth, Tata will offer the top end version with air con, power windows and power steering. This car is destined to be exported too, so provision for ABS and airbags will also be there for sure. The floor mounted four-speed gearbox wasn’t smooth as silk but would give the 800 something to take inspiration from. Roominess is what this compact car from Tata is all about. Four average sized Indians will find themselves enjoying their ride.

Mechanicals:

Everyone, and it does not discount the motoring journos, expected the ‘One Lakh Car’ to have a plastic body. But boy did Tata play it big there! Contrary to everyone’s belief, the Nano is a metal-bodied car with four full-blown doors to ease the ingress and egress. This is a uni-body construction but makes use of a sub-frame which adds to the strength in addition to providing support for drivetrain and suspension units. The suspension has a story of its own altogether! Well, Tata engineers said that since the rear-biased weight distribution led to some scary moments while testing the car, they had to optimize the suspension setup and add a fair amount of other eccentric but equally helpful technical add-ons like fatter rear tyre while the battery box and fuel tank are placed right underneath the arse of front occupants.

The engine is what has been the buzz word around the car. It is an all-aluminum two cylinder engine displacing 624cc with two valves per cylinder driven by a single overhead camshaft. The bore and stroke are nearly similar giving it a ‘square’ form. Making the Nano move will be the power of 33 horses which will peak out at 5500rpm while 48Nm of turning force will be supplied at a meager 2500rpm which should help the drivability of the car. The Nano will transmit its small amount of power via a 4-speed cable operated gearbox with the fourth being an overdriven ratio. Tata is working on developing an automatic gearbox as well but that will not be available when the car gets launched later this year. In addition to the 624cc petrol engine, the Indian auto giant might also bring out a common-rail diesel engine (700cc) which might be of the same architecture as the one seen on Tata Ace.

As it was famous, Tata’s One Lakh Car will not exactly be that. Not a one lakh rupee car it will be. The base version, when it will come to a parking halt will see you shed close to 1.2lakh while the one which will sit in between with some necessary creature comforts will be priced in the vicinity of 1.5lakh. The top end might retail for close to 2.0lakh, we speculate.

Quick Specs:

Price: 1.2lakh onwards
Engine: 624cc, in-line, twin-cylinder
Power: 34PS@5500rpm
Torque: 48Nm@2500rpm
Gearbox: 4-speed manual; Cable operated
Top Speed: 95-100kmph (Speculated)
Fuel Efficiency: 20kmpl (claimed)
Length: 3100mm
Width: 1500mm
Height: 1600mm
Wheelbase: 2230mm
Ground Clearance: 180mm
Fuel Tank Capacity: 15lt.
Kerb Weight: ~ 600kg.

Their Space . . . Or Yours? Internet Issues teens concerned

2008-01-29T08:24:00.000-08:00

The popularity of social networking sites, such as Myspace.com and Facebook.com, raise important issues for camp directors intent on protecting their campers—and their camps—from the dark side of the online world.

Traditional concerns about youth and the Internet took a high-tech turn with the advent of this new breed of the "local" hangout—places where young people post personal information often accompanied by pictures of themselves and their (perhaps unwitting) friends.

Free to all comers, such forums provide easy and anonymous access to anyone searching for e-mail addresses, cell phone numbers, or details about body type, sexual preferences, or alcoholic beverages of choice. And the information flow doesn’t stop there. A recent Dateline NBC investigation of teen pages found scenes of binge drinking, apparent drug use, and sex acts.

So concerned are school officials that some are considering banning the posting of personal pages by their students. And so concerned are law enforcement officials that at least one state, Connecticut, is investigating the link between these sites and incidents of sexual assault.

Wiredsafety.org, an online safety, education, and help group, points out that while users sometimes share their personal information in order to find romance, this is not okay for kids. Indeed, the Santa Cruz Sentinel recently reported the arrest of a twenty-six-year-old California man on charges of felony child molestation of a fourteen-year-old he met on Myspace.com.

But child predators aren’t the only problem—and harm to youth not the only risk.

A review of Myspace.com reveals "group" pages created by teens and incorporating the name, and sometimes the logo, of their school or camp. These virtual campfires allow for cyberbullying and the unsupervised exchange of often-inappropriate ideas and pictures that would never be tolerated within the confines of a classroom or cabin.

In some instances, content amounts to sexual innuendo and in others not-so-subtle sexual solicitation. Also featured are photos of kissing, fondling, and groping and dialogue about getting high, getting wasted, or just plain getting mad. And all of this under the banner of organizations committed to education, youth development, and safety.

A natural reaction might be to simply ban teen participation in online networking. But attempting to deny campers’ access may not be the best approach—and may ultimately fail anyway. There are, however, other important steps we can take to keep our campers and our camps safe.

Keeping Campers and Camps Safe
So, what’s a camp director to do?

Establish and disseminate policies regarding the posting of personal information online.
Prohibit the use of images (pictures or logos) of or from your camp.
Visit the sites to monitor compliance.
Notify campers and their parents about violations of your policy.
Follow through with consequences.

Educating Parents and Teens
Camps can also play a valuable role in educating families about the threats posed by social networking sites. Wiredsafety.org offers some online safety guidelines for parents.

Personal information stays personal.
Make sure your child doesn't spend all of his or her time on the computer.
Keep the computer in a family room, kitchen, or living room, not in your child's bedroom. Knowing you are watching, kids are less likely to put themselves in risky situations, and you can safely oversee what's going on.
Learn enough about computers so you can enjoy them together with your kids.
Watch your children when they're online and see where they go.
Make sure that your children feel comfortable coming to you with questions.
Keep kids out of chat rooms unless they are monitored.
Discuss these rules, get your children to agree to adhere to them, and post them near the computer as a reminder.
Help them find a balance between computing and other activities.
Remember to monitor their compliance with these rules, especially when it comes to the amount of time your children spend on the computer.
Get to know their "online friends" just as you get to know all of their other friends.
Warn them that people may not be what they seem to be. Predators often pose as children to gain our children's trust.

Developing Protocols for Staff
Camps might also develop protocols for their staff, prohibiting, for example, any online exchange that would be considered a violation of existing personnel policies and the posting of any inappropriate information or photos that can be accessed by campers. Finally, camps may wish to consider using these sites as screening tools when hiring counselors.

Don Schroeder, an employment lawyer in the Boston office of Mintz Levin, says, "While you may not be able to keep people from doing what they want on the Internet, you can certainly take action if you don’t like what you see," including dismissing, or not rehiring, any staff member found to be in violation of the policies you have created.

As with most things Internet, social networking sites offer content both bad and good. At worst, they perpetuate bawdy exhibitionism. At best, they provide a place for the meaningful exchange of creative ideas, memories, and dialogue, keeping young people connected to the friends and experiences that matter most.

In that way, your space is their space, too.

2008-01-29T08:23:00.001-08:00

High school and middle school students overwhelmingly say their parents are or will be the biggest influence on their driving behaviors:
Adult driving habits, as observed by their teens, suggest parents are modeling risky behaviors:
Teens say they now, or expect to, follow similar driving practices as their parents:
Nine out of ten (89 percent) teens consider themselves "safe" drivers. Yet many teens don’t consider risky behaviors dangerous.
Why are these driving behaviors dangerous?

Additional study findings that support Graduated Drivers Licensing:

According to NHTSA, young drivers make up less than 7 percent of the driving population yet account for nearly 15 percent of the drivers involved in fatal crashes. These statistics are traditionally attributed to the combination of young driver inexperience, adolescent impulsiveness and great risk exposure (driving at night, and with multiple passengers).

Graduated licensing is a system designed to "phase in" young, beginning drivers to full driving privileges as they mature and develop their driving skills. Graduated licensing has been introduced in many U.S. states, yet the IIHS only rates nine states as having "good" young driver licensing laws.

Effective graduated licensing laws include a minimum six month learner’s permit, followed by restrictions on the time of day teens can drive (no later than 10 p.m. and no earlier than 5 a.m.), and the number of passengers allowed when unsupervised.

Piling In:

Driving at night is common among nearly all high school drivers (93 percent), yet very few young people (5 percent of high school students and 10 percent of middle school students) consider night driving "unsafe."

According to the IIHS’ most recent study (1999) on crash rates by the number of passengers across different age groups, the more people in a car the greater the likelihood of a crash, especially for the youngest, most inexperienced drivers (16- and 17-year-olds):

Crashes per 10,000 trips
# of passengers:	0	1	2	3

16/17-year-olds	1.6	2.3	3.3	6.3
18/19-year-olds				2.1

Driving at Night:

Nearly two in three high school teen drivers (64 percent) say they drive with more than three people in the car, and 28 percent think this is "safe."
According to the 2002 IIHS data, 41 percent of all teen driving deaths, ages 16-19, occur between the hours of 9 p.m. and 6 a.m. Studies show nighttime driving restrictions for teens are associated with crash reductions of up to 60 percent during restricted hours.

Methodology
- Data compiled from results of nearly 3,600 self-administered surveys of middle and high school students, grades 6-12.
- Students represented 41 schools (21 middle, 20 high) countrywide.
The Partners
- Liberty Mutual and SADD have been partners in teen driving safety since the early 1990s with the inception of the "Avoiding Collisions" program – a video, brochure and teacher’s kit that focuses on four areas of safety: speeding, safety belt use, driving under the influence of alcohol or other drugs, and night driving.
- The "Avoiding Collisions" video is available free by calling 1-800-4-LIBERTY.

Three Tips for Teen Transitions

2008-01-29T08:22:00.001-08:00

Identify important teen transitions.
Communicate about or recognize and celebrate these important life events.
Encourage your teen to explore healthy growth opportunities.

Identify significant teen transitions.
Important transitions in adolescence can be a one-time thing, such as a first date, first job, or first driver’s license, or the gradual progression toward maturity, including physical, social, and emotional change. Figuring out which transitions are most important to your teen is a critical first step in helping him or her move to adulthood. What "counts" for one teen may not matter much to another teen. Here are some things to keep in mind.

Tune in to the things that seem important in his daily life.
Notice how she spends her days so you can flag changes.
Ask how he feels about different transitions.
Note how he talks about transitions with friends.
Talk about important transitions in your own adolescence.
Watch for signs of happiness, joy, stress, anxiety, or depression surrounding change.

Communicate about and recognize or celebrate important life events.
Sending the message that you are "dialed in" to your teen as he takes significant steps along the path to adulthood is an important way to say "I love you, I care about you, and I hear you!" Teens look for signals that they are making real progress toward becoming adults and care very much what you think about them, even if they don’t always show it. Here is what you can do.

Talk regularly – and casually (teens hate "the big talk") – about the transitions you see him tackling.
Recognize these transitions through small gifts, privileges, words, or deeds.
Celebrate with a party, a family dinner, or just a special time alone.

Encourage your teen to explore healthy growth opportunities.
In the middle of a society that pays little attention to adolescent transition stand some time-tested organizations that offer teens real opportunities for achievement and reward. Here are some ways you can help.

Point him toward structured, goal-oriented activities where recognition and appreciation are built in.
Identify extracurricular opportunities that will promote her development through the progression of skills or contributions. Some organizations such as summer camps, service-learning clubs, and Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts have embedded rites of passage.
Encourage him to invest time and effort in clubs, activities, or athletics with a clear path toward advancement.

Facts about teens

2008-01-29T07:56:00.000-08:00

Drinking

Teens’ involvement with alcohol increases steadily as they mature.
Younger teens are more likely than older teens to drink because of peer pressure.
Older teens are more likely than younger teens to drink to escape problems.
High Sense of Self teens are particularly resistant to peer pressure to drink.
Teens who are alcohol Repeaters and Experimenters are much more likely than teens who are alcohol Avoiders to have immediate family members who drink a lot.

Drug Use

The most commonly used drug among teens is marijuana.
Younger teens are more likely than older teens to use drugs to feel grown up.
Older teens are more likely than younger teens to use drugs because of stress.
High Sense of Self teens are considerably less likely than other teens to be susceptible to peer pressure to use drugs.
Low Sense of Self teens are more likely than are high Sense of Self teens to use drugs to escape from or forget about problems.
Low Sense of Self teens are more likely to have friends who use drugs.

Sex

About half of teens have engaged in some sexual activity other than kissing.
Teens’ motivations for having sex do not vary widely by age.
The most common reasons for teens to have sex are to strengthen the relationship with a partner and to have fun.
High Sense of Self teens are more resistant to peer pressure when it comes to decisions about sex and are more likely to refuse an offer to have sex.
Low Sense of Self teens are more likely than high Sense of Self teens to cite boredom and depression as reasons to have sex.
Low Sense of Self teens are more likely than high Sense of Self teens to associate sex with negative emotional outcomes such as depression or loss of self-respect.
Girls are more likely than boys to link sex with loss of self-respect and depression.

Drinking and Drugs

Teens who avoid drinking and drugs are more likely to have a favorable self-image.
One of the most common reasons to avoid drinking or using drugs is to please parents.
Low Sense of Self teens are more likely to feel strongly that it is okay to drive after drinking or using drugs.
Drug and alcohol Repeaters are particularly likely to have friends who drink or use drugs a lot.

Drinking, Drugs, Sex and Driving

Teens who choose to avoid potentially destructive behaviors are considerably more inclined than those who do not to view drinking, drugs and sex as very harmful for someone their age.
Substance Avoiders are more likely to associate specific negative outcomes, such as loss of parent trust, increase risk of auto accidents, chance of risky sexual behaviors and increased risk of poor academic performance, with drinking.

Parents and Teens

The quality of parent-teen relationships is likely to play a critical role in determining teens’ mood and, thus, their susceptibility to destructive decision-making.
Teens whose parents set guidelines for their behaviors are more inclined to feel positively about themselves and to avoid drinking and using drugs.
High Sense of Self teens are more likely than other teens to communicate openly and honestly with their parents and to describe themselves as close to their parents.
Low Sense of Self teens are particularly likely to feel that they spend an insufficient amount of time with their parents.
Younger teens are significantly more likely than are older teens to say that their relationship with their parents makes them feel very good about themselves.
Teens who avoid drinking and drugs are more likely to have positive relationships with parents.

National Study Links Teens’ "Sense of Self" to Alcohol, Drug Use and Sex

2008-01-29T07:55:00.001-08:00

How teenagers feel about themselves plays a significant role in whether they choose to drink or use other drugs, according to a new report released today by SADD and Liberty Mutual Group. The Teens Today 2003 study also reveals that a teen’s "Sense of Self," can influence sexual behavior, reaction to peer pressure, and, importantly, be affected by a teen’s relationships with parents.

"Sense of Self" is a young adults' self-evaluation on their progress in three key developmental areas: identity formation, independence and peer relationships. The report finds that teens with a high Sense of Self feel more positive about their own identity, growing independence and relationships with peers than do teens with a low Sense of Self. Specifically, high Sense of Self teens reported feeling smart, successful, responsible and confident and cite positive relationships with parents. Also, significantly, the study revealed that:

High Sense of Self teens are more likely to avoid alcohol and drug use;
Low Sense of Self teens are more likely to use alcohol and "harder" drugs such as ecstasy and cocaine; and,
Parental involvement strongly correlates with teens’ Sense of Self and the decisions they make regarding alcohol and drug use.

"This information is critically important in helping us to better understand the role that self-definition plays in predisposing young adults to destructive decision-making, establishing a clear link between ‘whom they are’ and what they do," said Stephen Wallace, chairman and chief executive officer of the national SADD organization.

Among the key findings demonstrating the importance of Sense of Self and parental relationships:

62 percent of teens with a high Sense of Self report that their relationship with their parents helps make them feel good about themselves, while only about one third of low Sense of Self teens report the same.
Only 30 percent of high school teens whose parents provide a strong level of guidance have used drugs, compared to 48 percent of high school teens whose parents do not provide strong guidance.
Less than half (47 percent) of high school teens whose parents provide a strong level of guidance have used alcohol, compared to 80 percent of high school teens whose parents do not provide strong guidance.
Teens with a high Sense of Self report overwhelmingly that they feel respected by their parents (93 percent) and close to their parents (85 percent), while teens with a low Sense of Self report lower levels of respect from their parents (8 percent) and closeness to their parents (12 percent).
Nearly two thirds (64 percent) of teens believe it is very likely they will lose their parents trust if caught drinking alcohol; two-thirds (67 percent) report the same with respect to drug use.

What Does This Mean For Families?
These findings are consistent with past Teens Today studies that have shown that teens who report regular, open communication with their parents about important issues say they are more likely to try to live up to their parents’ expectations and less likely to drink, use drugs or engage in early sexual behavior.

Paul Condrin, Liberty Mutual executive vice president, Personal Market, said, "We know that parents who cultivate a family environment that includes positive, open channels of communication with their children are much more successful at influencing their children to avoid engaging in dangerous behaviors. Now we know that helping to develop a young person’s positive Sense of Self can go to great lengths at improving the odds that the child will avoid alcohol and drug use."

Importantly, Teens Today 2003 points to important steps parents can take to positively enhance their teens’ Sense of Self.

Support a wide sampling of interests, activities and age-appropriate behaviors.
Encourage separation from parents and age-appropriate independence in decision-making.
Teach peer-to-peer social skills and facilitate (positive) peer relationships.

A teen’s Sense of Self also relates directly to mental health and relationships with peers. For example, teens with a low Sense of Self are more likely than teens with a high Sense of Self to report regular feelings of stress and depression, weaker relationships with parents and greater susceptibility to peer pressure. Other key findings from the research:

Teens who regularly feel stress or depression are much less inclined than other teens to avoid high-risk behaviors such as drinking, using drugs or engaging in early sexual activity.
Teens who avoid drinking and drug use are more likely to have a favorable self-image.
Regular feelings of stress and depression tend to be more common among sexually active teens than among their non-sexually active peers.
High Sense of Self teens are more resistant to pressure from peers to drink, use drugs or have sex.

Methodology
Teens Today 2003 reports on the completion of a total of 2,753 self-administered surveys by middle and high school students in grades 6 - 12. RoperASW designed the Teens Today 2003 survey and administered it in a nationwide cross-section of 46 schools (25 middle schools, 21 high schools) between May 6 and June 18, 2003. The sampling error for the study at the 95 percent confidence level is +/- 3 percentage points for the total sample. Additional findings from qualitative research (focus groups and individual interviews), designed and conducted by Atlantic Research and Consulting, Inc. in April 2003, were used in the development of the student survey.

Teens rated themselves according to characteristics tied to the adolescent developmental tasks of Identity, Independence and Peer Relations. A composite profile rating each participant as high, medium or low Sense of Self was developed and then correlated to three psychographic profiles, or "decision-types," identified in earlier Teens Today research: Avoiders (teens who tend to avoid alcohol and other drug use), Experimenters (teens who occasionally experiment with alcohol and other drug use), and Repeaters (teens who regularly engage in alcohol and other drug use).

Sense of Self scores were also correlated with the Teens Today decision factors of Mental States (e.g. boredom, depression), Personal Goals (e.g. to feel grown up, to fit in), Potential Outcomes (e.g. impact on academic/athletic performance, chances of getting caught) and Significant People (e.g. parents, peers).

National Study Links Teens’ "Sense of Self" to Alcohol, Drug Use and Sex

2008-01-29T07:55:00.000-08:00

High Sense of Self teens are more likely to avoid alcohol and drug use;
Low Sense of Self teens are more likely to use alcohol and "harder" drugs such as ecstasy and cocaine; and,
Parental involvement strongly correlates with teens’ Sense of Self and the decisions they make regarding alcohol and drug use.

Among the key findings demonstrating the importance of Sense of Self and parental relationships:

62 percent of teens with a high Sense of Self report that their relationship with their parents helps make them feel good about themselves, while only about one third of low Sense of Self teens report the same.
Only 30 percent of high school teens whose parents provide a strong level of guidance have used drugs, compared to 48 percent of high school teens whose parents do not provide strong guidance.
Less than half (47 percent) of high school teens whose parents provide a strong level of guidance have used alcohol, compared to 80 percent of high school teens whose parents do not provide strong guidance.
Teens with a high Sense of Self report overwhelmingly that they feel respected by their parents (93 percent) and close to their parents (85 percent), while teens with a low Sense of Self report lower levels of respect from their parents (8 percent) and closeness to their parents (12 percent).
Nearly two thirds (64 percent) of teens believe it is very likely they will lose their parents trust if caught drinking alcohol; two-thirds (67 percent) report the same with respect to drug use.

Importantly, Teens Today 2003 points to important steps parents can take to positively enhance their teens’ Sense of Self.

Support a wide sampling of interests, activities and age-appropriate behaviors.
Encourage separation from parents and age-appropriate independence in decision-making.
Teach peer-to-peer social skills and facilitate (positive) peer relationships.

Teens who regularly feel stress or depression are much less inclined than other teens to avoid high-risk behaviors such as drinking, using drugs or engaging in early sexual activity.
Teens who avoid drinking and drug use are more likely to have a favorable self-image.
Regular feelings of stress and depression tend to be more common among sexually active teens than among their non-sexually active peers.
High Sense of Self teens are more resistant to pressure from peers to drink, use drugs or have sex.

How to Write a Home Rules Contract

2008-01-28T06:18:00.000-08:00

Is My Child A Substance Abuser?

2008-01-28T05:58:00.000-08:00

Every day, our kids have to make choices that we, as parents, never even dreamed about when we were kids. Peer pressure is a powerful thing, and many times, our kids will reluctantly go along with the crowd and do things that they are not comfortable with and know are harmful in order to gain acceptance. However, if this behavior repeats itself, over time it will manifest itself in addiction. This can lead to serious behavioral, emotional and health problems, with the symptoms of drug abuse mimicking attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), bipolar illness or major depression, which may be misdiagnosed if the care provider does not know of an existing substance abuse problem.
As parents, how can we tell if our children are abusing substances? This is a question many parents ask themselves when their child is having difficulties. Unfortunately, too many parents really don't want to know the answer, because this is one subject that can be too scary, frustrating and guilt-laden to deal with. They may ask the right questions and will even do a little digging around to come up with answers, but then will conclude that there is not a problem and will ignore all the signs and symptoms of addiction that their child actually manifests.
When my child was having multiple problems, I discovered to my dismay that he was obtaining many of the substances he was abusing right in our own house and that these household products can cause very serious brain damage. I have detailed information in the paragraphs below on some of the things our kids are up to that we might never suspect.
Who am I? I am not a doctor, social worker, therapist, etc. I am a parent who works in the medical field, who happens to have a large family in which addiction has played a huge role. I have dealt with substance abuse issues with five of my own children, nieces and nephews, friends of my kids, and I, myself, am a recovered alcoholic. So I am speaking to you from experience and from the heart, to try to let you know about the some of the things that I didn't know about until it was too late. Hopefully what I have to say will give you some of the knowledge you need to make the best decisions for your own child.
DISCLAIMER: The things of which I speak below have been witnessed by me and have also been confirmed by talking with teens outside of my family. I assume no responsibility for any untoward event that may occur as a result of any parent using this information. This site is not meant to take the place of a doctor, psychiatrist, or counselor. If your child is having serious problems, you should consult with a professional. The sole purpose of the information below is to inform parents about some of the little known substances our teens are sometimes abusing.

What are some of the signs to look for?

1.CHANGE IN PERSONALITY -

Your loving child turns mean.
This can happen with the onset of puberty, but it is much worse when there is substance abuse going on. Do you feel like no matter what you say or do, you just can't win? Are you afraid or reluctant to confront your child due to violent outbursts or reactions from them when you attempt to inquire about any part of their lives? Just remember, when a kid is backed into a corner, he may have discovered that the best defense is an offense, and many teens, particularly boys, find that by coming back with loud yelling, they can be very intimidating to their mothers. Suspect drug use if your child has lately become very irritable, unpleasant to or bullying of other family members, very easy to provoke, starts to use a lot of profanity seems tired, worn out and apathetic a lot of the time, or develops a nagging cough, appears to have the sniffles or runny nose, or develops nosebleeds frequently.

2.CHANGE IN APPEARANCE -

Your child's appearance has gone down the tubes.
This might include long stringy hair, too much makeup in girls (or boys), clothes that are way too big and don't fit, all black everything, and rock teeshirts of bands that have values that you deplore (Marilyn Manson immediately comes to mind). If your child is espousing these bands, there is a chance he will also try to "live up to the image" that these bands project. Two of my kids have permanent scars from cutting themselves in imitation of Marilyn Manson, carving anarchy signs into their hands, arms, and stomachs. We want our kids to have some freedom in how they dress and hate to battle with them regarding their choice of clothes. However, sometimes a parent must put his foot down on certain styles. Black rock tee-shirts with obnoxious bands on them may attract other kids who use drugs and cause kids who are not into that scene to shy away from your child.
Obviously, there is probably a kid or two out there in the world who dresses like this and is not up to anything. From my own experience, I do not know one single teen who chooses to dress like this who is not using drugs. This type of clothing is a magnet for other teens who use drugs. Teens who are not using drugs generally do not want to attract that type of friend. However, keep in mind that there are also plenty of teens who sport a very "preppy" look, who are also abusing alcohol and other drugs, so the manner of dress is just one part of the big picture of teen drug abuse.
Also be very wary of the big baggy pants with lots of pockets. These pants, which are quite popular now, provide lots and lots of hiding places for contraband, and there are a few kids who wear these pants with the sole purpose of shoplifting because there are so many places to put things. Another rather unusual tip-off is if you go to buy your child shoes and he states his feet have grown and he now needs a size twice as large as the last time you bought him shoes. Don't take him at his word...measure his feet with one of those metal foot measuring devices found in shoe stores. Our son did this and we discovered that he was hiding contraband in the toes of his shoes. I have also found out that in certain brands of tennis shoes, like Nike, the kids are able to pull up a label from the heel inside the shoe, which creates a little compartment where drugs can be hidden.

3.CHILD SEEMS VERY VAGUE, APATHETIC, DISINTERESTED, OUT OF IT -

Your child seems unusually apathetic, staring into space a lot, not focused on anything, is very vague when you try to carry on a conversation, and generally seems out of it.
This could mean they are high while you are talking to them or that they are coming down from some type of drug that they did the day before, like acid (LSD) or ecstacy, which depletes the serotonin in a teen's brain and can cause very depressed type of behavior. However, note that this could also be a sign of major depression and suicidality, so if this behavior persists, parents PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE IT; seek professional help for your child.

4.CHILD IS REPEATEDLY COMING HOME LATE OR NOT AT ALL -

Problems with keeping curfew or not showing up at all until the next day, stating they spent the night at so-and-so's house but "forgot" to call you.
Don't believe it for a minute. When kids do this, there is a good chance they have gotten high on something and were in no condition to call or come home, or they passed out somewhere, or because they were high, they didn't care about anything, including the consequences of not abiding by their curfew. If a child has been brought up to let his parents know where he is, he will generally call them if he is of sound mind and will be worried about the consequences of NOT calling.

5.RED EYES -

Eyes are red all the time or you are finding bottles of Visine or eye drops in your teen's room, pockets or bookbag.
If a child is trying to cover up his red eyes, he is either smoking pot or possibly huffing, both of which can cause red eyes. If you are finding bottles of Visine or other eye drops, this is a very good indication that your child is up to something. Teens rarely buy things like eye drops unless they are trying to hide something from you.
On the subject of hiding things from you, finding breath mints or breath sprays among your child's possessions can sometimes indicate an attempt to hide the smell of alcohol on the teen's breath.

6.SIGNS OF HUFFING (INHALANT ABUSE) -

Your child seems to be doing excessive cleaning with various cleaning solutions or has a chemical smell on his clothes.
I am going to spend a little more time on this subject because I have dealt with huffing in my son and it left him hearing voices all the time. Huffing, or inhaling various household chemicals in order to get high, is a very, very dangerous activity for your child to engage in. You wouldn't think your child would be so stupid as to do something like this, but huffing might be taking place if you are noticing a chemical or solvent smell coming out of your child's room on a regular basis. When I would ask my son about this smell, he always appeared busy and would say he was cleaning. Unfortunately, since it sounded logical, I didn't question him further. If you smell chemicals frequently on your child's clothes or in his room, please get very suspicious. Huffing burns holes in your child's brain and can cause permanent brain damage, so it is better to investigate and risk being wrong than to ignore it and pay the consequences later with a child who either dies or ends up with severe brain damage.
Young kids are likely to begin on the road to substance abuse by huffing because the chemicals needed are usually lying around the house. Some of the things kids might huff, or inhale, include White-Out (yes, the White-Out that is used in an office). If your child is asking you to buy him White-Out for a school project, your suspicion level should go way up. Schools never require the use of White-Out in school projects. Common markers, especially the large-sized markers, are also used for huffing, so if your child is walking around with markers in his/her pocket, beware! I remember wondering why all of my dry-erase markers kept disappearing. Kids will also huff anything out of an aerosol can, including the aerosol out of whipped cream cans, spray-on leather cleaners, etc.; in fact, any aerosol can of any type can be huffed by the kids. Believe it or not, Glade air freshener is a favorite for kids who like to use inhalants!
Huffing causes severe headaches as well as chronic congestion. My son ended up using an albuterol inhaler because of an asthma-like condition that wouldn't go away. I didn't have a clue that it was self-inflicted due to huffing. If your child is showing any of the other signs above along with lots of headaches, this is another cause for you to get very suspicious

7.ABUSE OF COLD AND COUGH MEDICINES -

Yes, folks, kids are abusing cough syrups and cold pills in record numbers
I thought maybe this was just a local thing, but I had the occasion to speak with a boy who lives 1000 miles from us, and he not only knew all about this trend but admitted to having used cold pills to get high as well. This is much more common than any parent would ever suspect. Every kid I have asked about this has admitted to knowing about it and many times has even admitted to using cold and cough products for the purpose of getting high.
The cold preparation of choice is Coricidin cold pills (which has been yanked from the shelves of numerous stores in our area due in part to this problem). Coricidin comes in a box with 16 pills. I have talked to numerous kids about this, mostly because I couldn't believe it, and all admitted to stealing or buying the Coricidin over the counter and then eating the entire box, which supposedly gives a high similar to the club drug, ketamine, complete with hallucinations. Some of the larger boys have even admitted to me that they took two or more boxes in one sitting (32+ tablets) in an effort to get high. If cold tablets are not available, they are likely to drink an entire bottle of cough syrup with or without alcohol. Nyquil and Robitussin, in particular, are brands a teen might seek out. It is a wise parent who does not keep bottles of these types of cold preparations in the medicine cabinet when there are teens in the house.
Another cold preparation to look out for is Sucrets, which can be crushed and boiled to come up with a powder which contains dextromethorphan, also known as DXM. DXM gives a high similar to drinking several bottles of cough syrup, like Robitussin, and can even cause hallucinations. If you are finding lots of cold preparations around your child's room or in his/her schoolbag, you need to get very suspicious about what your child might be up to.

8.ABUSE OF HOUSEHOLD ITEMS AND HIDDEN PARAPHERNALIA - There are other things around your house that you might never suspect that your teen could be using to get a high
In continuing with the subject of using common household items to get high, another thing some teens have used is pure vanilla extract that you use in cooking because it contains alcohol, and mouthwash preparations, such as Listerine, which also contain alcohol. In fact, any product that contains alcohol that your teen could drink will be used if your teen is into this type of high.Kids have also discovered that nutmeg will give a high similar to LSD and, in fact, is known as the "poor man's LSD." However, there are some rather unpleasant side effects to doing this, including headaches and nausea.
Regarding paraphernalia, you may occasionally uncover a pot pipe during a room search, but many teens have discovered that there are products for sale which ingeniously hide the fact that the item can be used for drugs. There are pipes available now that look like a roll of mints, a makeup brush, a battery, or a cigarette lighter, so if you are searching your child's room for paraphernalia, it is wise to keep this in mind and check out anything that does not seem to quite fit with what your child would ordinarily need.
There are also web sites that kids can get into that tell them how to extract various substances from household products, like hair spray, paint strippers, and acetone-free nail polish remover, to come up with pure drugs. Some of these sites have the word "cookbook" in them. It is very important that you monitor teens' Internet activities through the use of one of the "guardian" type of services that many Internet service providers now offer. There's an awful lot of dangerous garbage out there, and our kids do need to be protected from it, whether they agree with us or not.

9.PRESCRIPTION MEDICATIONS -

It seems like certain medications are disappearing or being taken faster than the prescription calls for
Parents, if you see this happening, it is not your imagination. If your child has been diagnosed with a psychiatric illness such as ADD, ADHD, bipolar illness or major depression, chances are he/she has also been given a prescription for at least one psychiatric medication, which may or may not be helping. But did you know that one pill of Ritalin or Adderall (common ADHD medications) can be sold on the street for anywhere between $1.00 and $5.00?
Both Ritalin and Adderall are in much demand as drugs of abuse, which are often crushed and snorted by teens to get high. Many enterprising kids have resorted to selling their own prescription drugs to make a few dollars on the side. (Please also see Help! I'm Addicted to Adderall)
Dexedrine, another ADD medication, might go for even more. And kids are more than willing to pay a dollar or two for other psychiatric drugs, such as Prozac, Celexa, and other antidepressants.
Parents, if your teens are on psychiatric medications, no matter how much you trust your child, those medications should be kept in a secure locked cabinet or a lockbox, which can be purchased at any discount store or office supply store. You should be administering these medications to your child and you should check to make sure he is actually taking them. Why leave something like this to chance? In our case, my child was not only stealing and selling his medications, he was sometimes taking up to five pills per day more than the prescription called for in an effort to get high. However, some days he didn't want to take his medication, and although I stood there and thought he was swallowing his medications, he was actually cheeking them. He would then would take them out of his mouth and hide them in his drawer to sell or abuse himself later on. I discovered this when I was looking for something else and came across more than a week's supply of his drugs in little plastic pouches. I eventually discontinued some of his medications altogether rather than deal with the abuse that was going on.

10.QUESTIONABLE FRIENDS - You are pretty sure your child's close friends are abusing drugs
Your child may even admit that some of his friends are using drugs, but will always deny that he/she has any part in it. If your child is spending a lot of time with these friends, don't believe it. If you really think that drug-using friends are considerate enough not to do drugs in front of your child or that your child is just sitting around watching them use while not using himself, think again. If your child is actually resisting taking the drugs, you can be sure he is being goaded and coaxed into using along with the friends. Misery loves company, and it's no fun to get high by yourself. Kids who are not using do not pick users as friends. It is also no fun to sit around and watch other people get stupid on you. So you can bet that if your child's friends are using drugs, he is using with them.

11.LOSS OF WEIGHT -

Your child is looking unusually thin to you, but denies having lost any weight when you question it.
This could be a cover up for anorexia/bulimia, which is a serious problem requiring medical attention and intensive counseling, particularly in girls. It also could be a cover up for the abuse of cocaine and methamphetamines, which speed up the system and take away the appetite, thereby sometimes causing drastic changes in weight. In any case, loss of weight should always be checked out by a doctor to make sure there is not something more serious going on because many serious illnesses can also present with loss of weight.

12.EATING BINGES -

Your child comes home from being with his/her friends and cleans out your refrigerator.
This could also be a sign of anorexia/bulimia if it is accompanied by weight loss, especially if your child disappears into the bathroom immediately after eating and you suspect they are vomiting (purging).
However, this can also be a sign that your child has just been out smoking pot, which is notorious for causing "the munchies." If this behavior is accompanied by red eyes, slurred speech, nasty temper, uncontrollable laughing or exceptional drowsiness, you can be pretty sure that your child has been up to something, probably smoking pot. (However, if he is acting normally and he has just spent several hours in a backyard game of football or other strenuous sport, then don't worry too much about him eating you out of house and home.)
Keep in mind that the pot our kids get hold of today is many times stronger than the pot that was available when many of today's parents were kids, and thus is that much more harmful. Pot can cause permanent short-term memory loss, particularly in younger kids whose brains are still developing. One interesting fact that my son learned in his substance abuse program is that five joints of marijuana have the same harmful effects to the lungs as something like 113 cigarettes, so pot is in no way a "harmless drug" as many of its proponents would like us to believe.

Is Marijuana a Harmless Drug?

2008-01-28T05:19:00.001-08:00

According to a survey of adolescents, ages 12 to 17, taken by the
"Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration,"
teens who admitted to using marijuana in the past year
self-reported the following behaviors:

Adolescents who use marijuana weekly are
9 times more likely than non-users
to experiment with illegal drugs or alcohol.

Adolescents who use marijuana weekly are
6 times more likely than non-users
to run away from home

Adolescents who use marijuana weekly are
5 times more likely than non-users
to steal

Adolescents who use marijuana weekly are
nearly 4 times more likely than non-users
to engage in violence.

Adolescents who use marijuana weekly are
3 times more likely
to have thoughts
about committing suicide.

Adolescents who use marijuana
are more prone than non-users
to be involved in destruction of property.

Adolescents who use marijuana
are more prone than non-users
to physically attack other teens.

Adolescents who use marijuana
also reported
* more social withdrawal *
* physical complaints *
* anxiety and depression *
* attention problems *
* thoughts of suicide *

Still think
Marijuana
is a "Harmless Drug"?

What Can Parents Do

2008-01-28T05:19:00.000-08:00

How can a parent tell when their child is abusing substances? Check out the drug abuse page on this site (Signs of Drug Abuse), if you have not already done so. If you have just come from that page, read on.

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to this serious dilemma that more and more of us parents are facing every day. Kids are very, very good at hiding their substance use from their parents. They become very adept at lying and can be stoned out of their minds yet still look you in the eye and deny that there is anything going on.

Careful monitoring of the activities of your child, reading notes and letters they have written to their friends, listening to what is being said when they are on the phone talking to their friends, and getting caller ID so you can keep tabs on who is calling, are some of the ways to help stay informed on what your kids are up to. Write down the phone numbers you find on Caller ID that were for your child. If your child decides to disappear for a night, you may very well be able to locate him/her by having a list of the numbers that have been calling your home over the last several months.

Some very technical parents have gone so far as to install small hidden recorder devices to their phones so that their child's phone conversations can be taped. One young man that we know of had his entire conversation regarding a pending drug deal he was arranging recorded by his father. As this young man was hanging up the phone, his father came into the room and asked his son to go with him to give him some help. Once they were out in the car, the father popped the tape in the tape deck, and this boy had to sit there with his father and listen to himself making his drug plans. Confronted with the evidence, he entered a drug treatment program and is doing quite well today.

You may be aghast at the idea of going into your child's room, looking through his drawers and pockets, and reading his letters, but if you suspect that your child is abusing substances, your vigilance may well save your child's life.

YOUR HOME IS NOT A DEMOCRACY! -

Another important note is that much as you would like to give your kids freedom to say what goes on in your home, it is your home...you are paying for it....you have the final word. You are first and foremost their parent, and much as you want to be friends with them, sometimes being a parent and being a best friend to your child is a huge conflict. So don't try to be your child's best friend, particularly if your child is severely acting out. Your child has friends...he needs a parent! You should always be in charge of your own home and the last word on any situation should be YOUR last word. However, in too many households, the kids are running the show, leaving their parents in the dust while they pursue their illicit activities. Your household should NOT be a democracy. Just because you are a parent does not mean you have to be a doormat. You have rights too, and your child should know that you intend to look out for your own rights!

However, keep in mind that your responsibility as a parent, first and foremost, is to keep your child SAFE! Therefore, if you need to conduct periodic investigations by snooping around their rooms, then do it with a clean conscience. I used to tell my kids, when they were angry at me for something I had done such as searching their room, "You may hate me for this, but you'll be alive and hating me and not dead in a gutter somewhere." My older kids who are in their twenties still laugh about that one, but agree that what I said was true. And you know what? They don't hate me anymore. They have actually thanked me for some of the things I did to try to help them! However, it took about ten years between the actual events and the time I got the first thank you, so don't hold your breath on that one.

Obtaining Important Information About Your Child From His Siblings -
If all of the above methods have failed and your child is becoming worse, you can attempt to get information from your child's siblings, if there are any, but this is not the best course of action and should be used only when you have exhausted all other methods. Remember what Bill Cosby said in his video called Bill Cosby, Himself, namely that every big family always has one child that can be called "The Informer", and for him, that is the child his wife would always send to accompany him on his trips to the store and such. I always thought that was a very funny statement, but how true it is sometimes! Many times, you can get very valuable information from a sibling.

However, involving brothers and sisters can create many problems within the family structure, so it's best to leave them out of it if at all possible. Brothers and sisters are not always a lot of help in getting to the truth anyhow because they sometimes are also using and are fearful of you uncovering their own drug involvement. Instead of helping you, they will help their brother or sister along in his lie to you. I can't count how many families I know of where the drug use is a cooperative effort involving teen brothers and sisters, so when you go snooping to find out about one child, prepare yourself to find out some things that you probably didn't really want to know but need to know about the others. In the case of younger or smaller siblings, they may be fearful of retribution for tattling on their older and stronger brother or sister and will be very reluctant to tell you anything for fear of their brother or sister coming after them when you aren't around.

Other times, siblings may feel very resentful and disgusted about the amount of time you are spending trying to help their wayward brother or sister. These kids are following the rules and doing what they are supposed to be doing, but may feel very ignored by you and would just as soon see the offending sibling committed somewhere. This happened in our family. When I finally got my son into residential treatment, I was angrily confronted by the rest of the kids about how much they resented all the attention this one son had gotten and how I "ignored" them. I pointed out that they now had me all to themselves because their brother was away in treatment, but that didn't make any difference at all. Talk about wanting to take a very long vacation to Alaska or something!

However, there are times when siblings can be a very good source of information. When a teen gets into extreme behaviors, it can be very frightening to their younger brothers and sisters, and by taking the younger sibling alone for a drive, buying them a soft drink and having a nonthreatening conversation with them, it is sometimes amazing what you will find out. They generally are anxious to tell you but want to be reassured that you won't let their brother or sister know how you found out. It is vitally important that any information that you receive from a sibling be kept confidential, if only for the reason that you need to make sure the information is correct before confronting the wayward teen.

If a sibling tells you something very important, attempt to verify the information to make sure the sibling isn't just trying to get even with your other child. If you are able to corroborate the sibling's story with other things that have been going on, then you have to decide what you are going to do with the information. It is not a good idea for your teen to know that another sibling "narked" on him. Therefore, when confronting your teen about what you have found out, it is best to present the teen with any other evidence you have discovered and keep your tattling sibling completely out of the picture.

ADOLESCENT TREATMENT PROGRAMS and COUNSELING

If you have discovered that your child is doing something very dangerous to himself, then your best course of action is to immediately find a counselor to consult with. Be prepared, if you are in an HMO, to have a very long wait to get your first counseling appointment. If you feel your child is in an emergency situation, do not hesitate to bring him/her to an urgent care center or an emergency room. If the child's problems are deemed an emergency, he/she may be admitted directly to an inpatient adolescent unit for stabilization. If not, the emergency room will make a referral to a psychiatrist, and this can sometimes help to put a teen on the fast track to getting an appointment with somebody who can help them, particularly if the teen is threatening suicide or is totally out of it from drug use (as my son was).

Once in the counselor's office, if the child's behavior is considered life-threatening, a counselor will most likely recommend an adolescent treatment program, either inpatient or outpatient. Many local hospitals offer these types of options. Keep in mind that most inpatient adolescent treatment programs are generally only three to five days long, after which time the child will be coming home but will be transitioned back to his regular school via an IOP (intensive outpatient) or day treatment program. IOP can be a half day or all day long. Usually the child will attend for an entire school day, and then, after a week or two, the child will be transitioned to half days, attending school the other half of the day. This half day program can last up to two more weeks, depending on the program and the insurance coverage or ability to pay.

Some kids respond beautifully to these programs, and most show some improvement the first time they attend one of these types of programs. Sustaining that improvement in behavior and building upon it, however, is really the big challenge. If a child returns to his same friends with whom he was abusing substances before his treatment program, chances are he will not stay clean for very long. And if he has to return to one of these programs due to decompensating behavior, you may not see as much improvement the second time around. Occasionally two or three hospitalizations will click on that light bulb in a child's brain and he will figure out that this is not a very good way to live his life. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to happen all that often. Intensive support from family, counselors, youth ministers at church, and other concerned adults can sometimes help to keep a child busy and away from the friends with whom he was getting into trouble before the hospitalization. Helping a child develop an interest, such as music lessons, taking up a sport, and encouraging him to get involved in wholesome extracurricular activities are self-esteem builders. Helping your child use his time in a constructive manner as well as enhancing his self-esteem can be of great help in keeping a child on track.

Once into counseling, many kids get good at throwing psychological jargon at you to use as an excuse for their behavior. My child told me that he had trouble with his "impulse control" after walking out of the school building in the middle of the day and smoking a cigarette on the football field. Yeah, right! I have now pretty much figured out that my son was high on Coricidin when he pulled that stunt. No wonder he had no impulse control!

Your insurance may cover a more intensive stay in a psychiatric facility or drug treatment center, but it is doubtful. Most insurance companies do not see the value of paying for too much substance abuse treatment, so a parent with a child who has not responded to the above measures sometimes has to get very creative in finding ways to pay for more intensive programs. If your doctor is recommending residential treatment for your child (as our doctor did), you may be faced with some very difficult financial decisions, with the choice ultimately boiling down to whether you should keep your financial picture solvent or save your child's life, with no guarantee that the money you spend to save your child will actually do any good and result in a child who is clean. It's a very tough spot to be in as a parent, particularly if there are other kids in the family!

One last thing...keep in mind that if your child has developed an addiction to drugs, a counseling appointment every 2 or 3 weeks will do very little to help him break his addiction and stay clean. Intensive counseling, drug rehabilitation or even residential treatment may be necessary (see WWASP Treatment Program Information), in order to remove your teen from the bad influences of his/her friends. Narcotics Anonymous (NA) or Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings along with working a 12-step program can be very effective if your teen follows the 90/90 plan (90 meetings in 90 days). The 90/90 plan helps kids create new relationships and gives them constant support as they go through the very difficult process of changing their lives. The NA program, in particular, was extremely effective for one of my kids, who got clean at age 17 and is still clean after more than 15 years. I vouch very highly for the overall good this program does to help and support people as they break out of their addictions. Remember, no matter what treatment your child is getting, if he/she continues to hang out with the same drug-using friends as before, his/her chances for success at getting clean and staying clean are practically zero.

MY CHILD IS 18 OR OVER - What Options Do I Have?

When you have an acting out teen who has reached the age of 18, (which I will refer to as a young adult) all the rules now change for parents. Once a teen reaches the age of 18, they are legally an adult, with the right to vote, the right to join the military and the right to enter into contracts. They also have the right to refuse any treatment program a parent might feel is in their best interests. All residential treatment programs that I am aware of require a young adult to sign themselves in, and they may leave at any time. One good treatment program for men and women who are age 18 and over is Camas Ranch, which is geared for young adults ages 18 and older. This program teaches life skills, provides 12-step programs, and helps young adults complete high school. However, as with any of the other WWASP programs, your teen will have to be willing to sign himself in.

One way a parent can get help for a severely acting out young adult is to get legal jurisdiction over them, thereby maintaining the legal right to sign them into a treatment program. This can be done by getting a lawyer and going to court. It is your responsibility to prove beyond a doubt that your child is a threat to himself due to his behavior and to have a very specific plan of action for that child.

If a child enters a residential treatment program at age 17 and is still in the program on his 18th birthday, he can sign himself out and leave at any time. It is the policy of the WWASP Programs to help set up an exit plan for the child, which includes a home contract agreed to by both parents and child. Again, I know of parents who have gone to court to keep their kids in the program after the age of 18. This is not always necessary, however, and WWASP has many 18-year-old students who have decided to complete the program and graduate high school without the coercion of their parents.

Once your child turns 18, he can legally be out on his own. Therefore, if you are providing a roof over his head, food on the table, and other amenities, this is a big privilege for your young adult. It is not his right to receive these things anymore, and it is the smart parent that lets their young adult know in no uncertain terms that there are some rules to follow to continue on in this manner. Young adults should be going to school or working a job. They should not be sitting around the house doing nothing. Young adults who are not in school should be paying some room and board, even if it is only a small amount, such as $25 or less a week. Young adults should be accountable to their parents, even though they are legally an adult. If they are not planning on coming home for the evening, it is their responsibility to let you know so you don't sit up half the night worrying about them when they don't show up. If you suspect drug use is going on, it is also your right in your house to set a curfew, perhaps 2:00 a.m. If your young adult does not seem to understand these rules, they can be written out in a home contract. If he/she does not want to follow these rules, he/she can be told to go live elsewhere. This may sound very harsh, but parents must consider tough love in order to give their kids the tools for living the rest of their lives. For the record, I would NEVER endorse kicking out a child before he turns 18. In most states, you are responsible for your child up to his 18th birthday, and you need to use whatever means possible to help your child until that 18th birthday comes.

If a young adult is allowed to lie around, making all sorts of excuses about not being able to find a job, using drugs, hanging around with bad people, you are enabling that life-style by not putting your foot down in a firm manner. It's not easy to watch a young adult go storming out the door looking for another place to live, but believe me, I've been through it and in my experience, it was the best thing I could have done. My 18-year-old son stormed out of my house but since has negotiated a good living arrangement for himself, found a way to buy himself a car, got a charge card, and is about to be promoted in his job to an assistant manager. He spends a good portion of his time working and does not have the time to do the things he had been doing before our blow-up. He is cordial and friendly to me these days. It was very, very difficult watching him go, but it turned out okay and I have no regrets anymore. I learned the very important lesson that not allowing our kids to be irresponsible, even though it hurts to let them go, is a great gift we can give to them.

HELP! MY CHILD IS DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER

I will add one caveat here. If your child/young adult has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder I or II (AND you are convinced this diagnosis is correct), your situation is a LOT different than the parent who simply has a rebellious teen. Bipolar disorder is a serious, life-long illness that interferes with basic functioning. To give you an example, try to imagine being the happiest, excited or most elated you have ever been in your life....now try to imagine feeling like that and at the same time trying to do your job efficiently. Now, try to imagine the worst news you have ever had in your life and how you felt....and once again, imagine trying to do your job when it feels like your world is falling apart. It would be impossible for all but the most extremely self-controlled person to function efficiently (or at all) in these states of minds, but this is how a bipolar person often feels, especially when they are not on medication. To further add to the dilemma, Bipolar I individuals will often hallucinate while in their most manic states, which generally requires hospitalization and medication stabilization. These hallucinations can occur in a bipolar person who is not using drugs; it is part of the illness. So you can see why these ranges of moods can create a situation for a bipolar young adult that makes it impossible for him or her to hold a job or to function normally. Many of these young adults finally end up on Social Security Disability because bipolar disorder is a real, permanent disability that prevents a person from functioning. Medications can be very helpful, such as lithium, but most have many side effects, some of them severe, and the tendency of the bipolar person is to stop taking the medications when they start feeling more normal because of all the side effects. However, once they stop taking the medications, they once again end up either totally manic or suicidally depressed. One study I recently read estimated that over 50% of the people in homeless shelters have bipolar I or bipolar II disorder. So if your young adult (18 and over) has this disorder, you can kick him out when his behavior becomes intolerable to the rest of the family, but don't be surprised if they end up back on your doorstep a week or two later looking skinny, emaciated and sick. Residential treatment facilities can go far to stabilize an under 18 child who is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, helping them to stay on their medications and giving them coping strategies. Since many bipolar individuals engage in extremely risky behavior, a residential facility can ensure that an under-18 child is kept SAFE and ALIVE as well as giving parents and other siblings a breather from the utter chaos caused by a child with this disorder. I emphasize utter chaos, because a person who has not dealt with a child with this disorder really has no clue how extremely difficult the situation can be for parents and other family members, nor do many therapists who have not had to live 24-7 with a bipolar person.

I have asked two of my sons to leave because of bad behavior. (I emphasize again that I do not ever endorse tossing out an under-18 child from your home.) One son, who is not bipolar, totally got his act together and is doing really well now, being clean of all drugs, even quitting smoking, almost has his associate's degree in business, which he is paying for himself, and rising rapidly in his job. But most importantly, he has become a caring, empathetic, decent young man whom I am extremely proud to call my son!!

The other son who I asked to leave (who has bipolar I, which is the more severe form of the disease) got so bad that his psychiatrist called us and told us we should let him back into our home because he was so manic that the psychiatrist was fearful for my son's life. We, therefore, did reluctantly let him back in. He had refused to go to the homeless shelter (at that point, he was EXTREMELY paranoid) and he was sneaking into people's garages at night so that he would have shelter for sleeping. None of his so-called friends would help him because he had pretty much alienated them as well with his strange behavior.

If the situation in your home has become so severe that you can no longer tolerate the crazy, insane behavior of your bipolar young adult, or especially if that over-18 child is also doing dangerous or illegal things that put your family at risk (such as dealing drugs or hanging out with gang members, etc), then you need to get him or her out of your home, even if it means letting your young adult go to the homeless shelter. If your young adult is put on Social Security Disability, you might be able to get some information on state-supported living facilities. However, remember that once your child is on Disability, they are legally disabled and that is their future. It is very scary for a parent to have to make the decision to get help for their child by declaring them disabled, and it is not a decision made lightly. I know of many parents who have preferred to wait a few years before taking this step, at least until their child is in his 20's, before taking the step of having them declared disabled and put on Social Security Disability in the hopes that their child might come around and be able to do something with his or her life. If not, you might try to find a structured living facility for him or her, but good luck. I can tell you from experience that other than the homeless shelters, there's really not much out there to help young adults in this situation, which is one reason that I have resolved to donate regularly to our local shelter. They are doing a job that nobody else wants to mess with!

An excellent book on the subject is The Bipolar Child by Demetri and Janice Papolos.

how to stay interesting

2008-01-28T05:10:00.001-08:00

i allways tell about what happened at school, something i've read, just anything that pops in my mind, meet people, just tell their stories too

But the key is, if you have got a story, make her anticipate, tell her 2 days up front you are going to tell her a magnificent story, and you could tease eachother about it, she wanting to know, you not telling.

I do this all the time, and it is a great way to get a 15 minute story to be entertainement for 2 days,

You could even apply it vice versa.
When on the phone, and she is telling you something, just say. "XXX is at the door, love you, tell me another time cuzz i love the story so far." or wathever you say to end the conversation, it should make her want to tell you the story.

As about the contents. act as if you are currently learning new things, this will give you the deniability not to tell everything at once, (I only apply this on an intimate level)

But actions go before words. go out, meet new people (i can tell a story about a guy ive met the other day ,
"its pretty amazing what people do. i met this guy the other day, and seriously he's a daredevil., you'd never guess what he did.
Him and his friends, some tough skinheads, walked around town, and they saw a policecar.
Okay, what do you think they did?
No its way worse.
the 2 cops inside saw them coming and they locked their doors because they were incredibly scared.
It would have been a great view. twenty people shaking a policecar with 2 scared cops inside.
the best was, they threw the police car upside down. hows that for having guts?"
its a shrinked down version, i dont like to write it all down
You could tell anything as long as you tell it right.
You dont need to speak about yourslef, emotions and emotional stories, and showing vulnerability are thng you tell one on one.
These stories are to entertain.

what is love to you?

2008-01-28T05:08:00.000-08:00

what is love to you?
what does love mean to you?

Love is an inexplicable attraction to someone based solely on their personality. It grows and dies over time. Love is one of the most powerful emotions ever felt, can cause anything from euphoria to intense rage. It is the scourge and savior of the human race all at the same time...

How to get over your break up. A guide to a broken heart

2008-01-28T05:07:00.000-08:00

How to get over your break up. A guide to a broken heart.

Going through a break up is something we never want to experience or have happen to anyone. But the fact is break up do happen sometimes, for better or for worse. So I thought I would throw together a little guide on how to get over the ex that you still have those strong feelings for.

1. Make a "clean break"
This is something we all tend to do after a break up. Is try and stay friends with the person. Most times it's better that we all make that clean break away from the one that we use to be close with. Start by deleting all there old e-mails, delete there telephone numbers from all phones, and delete them off your buddy lists. If you have old photos of you and your ex put them in a box and put them away. Get them out of your sight until you are strong enough to come back and take a look at them. It's better to get all those old feelings away and gone from you rather then sitting there and having them come back at you everyday and the temptation to call, e-mail, or IM this person. Make that clean break for the both of you.

2. Change your surroundings.
This may sound like a very useless tip but it can really benefit you and getting over this break up. Change something in your surroundings, like if you were to go out and buy new bed shirts. Or if you were to change the color or your walls, or even something to as small as changing the back ground on your computer screen. Change up your room a little to get the old memories you may have of your ex out.

3. Use a journal or notebook to vent the hard feelings you maybe having.
For a while after your break up keep a notebook near you. Every time you are having a hard time with the break up just reach for this notebook and write down what you are feeling. Make a PRETEND letter to your ex. Write down what you would write to them. But don't actually send this letter to them. Getting those feelings out will release a lot of what you are going through. And remember, along with getting your feelings out, crying is a good thing.

4. Do spoil yourself.
Both guys and girls can benefit huge from this one. After your break up go out and buy something for yourself. Treat yourself to something. Anything that you may enjoy. It can be just getting pampered at the salon, going out to eat at that restaurant, buying that shirt or jeans, or that CD you have wanted. Just treat yourself to anything that will boost your mood or make you feel sexy. We are all worth this one.

5. DO NOT go on the rebound or start dating to soon!
A lot of people have a tendency to start dating to soon to maybe make there ex jealous or replace your ex. Give yourself time to heal from this break up. By going and trying to make your ex jealous it will end up hurting you more in the end. By going on the rebound you are making it harder for yourself and in the end can end up thinking of your ex more. Such as, what are they thinking, are they jealous, do they notice I’m with someone new. Going on the rebound is never a good thing. Along with rebound is dating to soon. You have to let all those feelings of your ex get out of your system. Give yourself a couple months before you try and jump back into the dating since.

6. Don't listen to the negative self-talk.
Once a break up does happen for good we can sometimes start telling ourselves negative things. Don't listen to those negative things. Remember the break up happen and was decided by both or you. It's nothing to do physical or your personality with you. Don't think that if you weighted this much less, or you kissed them this much more, or something on that line that the relationship would have lasted longer. Remember that you are perfect and beautiful in your own way. So start telling yourself positive things everyday and don't believe the negative.

7. Stay active.
Staying active in anyway shape or form will keep your mind off your ex and moving in the right direction. Go out biking, running, walking, just to the park with your little sibling or dog. Anything to get your mind off your ex and out in the world. You can do these things by yourself or with a friend(s). Take up a hobby. Maybe sign up for that extracurricular activity you have always wanted to sign up for. It's your time to shine now and get your life back in order. Get out and enjoy the world anyway you can.

Things you may need. These items are recommended.
1. A shoulder to cry on. Never try and go through the pain alone. Always call someone if need be. The support of friends or family is always a great thing.
2. A teddy bear or blanket. Any of your favorite stuffed toys (not the ones your ex gave you) will help you through those hard times late at night. You can always turn to them and hug them when you feel as if you may cry.
3. Bubble bath or a shower. Try and soak those feelings away. It's a great idea to just relax in the tub or take a hot shower to just make yourself feel more sexy than you already are.
4. Anything that makes you laugh! Load up on your favorite movies, TV shows, or books. Give yourself a few laughs everyday to ease all the pain you have been feeling. Who ever said laughing was bad.
5. As always, tissue. Keep a box of tissue near your bedside or coach just in case.

~Everything happens for a reason.~
~"I can't wait untill the world goes back to when you have sex with someone because you love them."~ ~ Me

Bullies and how to overcome them

2008-01-28T04:49:00.000-08:00

I used to get picked on all the way through school, I mean up til I left school at 16 it was just constant name calling or stealing my things or whatever.

What you need to remember is that those kids have major insecurities which means they feel the need to vent this onto people who appear to be weaker or vulnerable and who they can offload their crap onto. Bullying makes some people feel more secure with themselves and their status position, if they are in the position of the bully rather than the bullied.. wouldn't you feel more secure too?
Its like defending a castle or something or emotions. They don't want people to see the real person inside, so they cover it up with name-calling of people who are more vulnerable.

Those people are weaker than you are.

You need to remember that they are not better than you, nothing makes them better than you. Not money, not designer clothes.. not anything. Everybody is born and dies an equal and there is nothing which dictates that they have more power over you.

You need to hold strong. "Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me" can only hold for so long, I know. You do need to remember that those kids are going to get a harsh reality check when they leave school and they behave like that in the workplace and get fired as a result of it.
They won't survive two seconds outside of high school, you will.

If you are being bullied, it is always best to tell somebody. I know that sounds harder than it is, but really it does sort things out. If somebody bullies you because you told, then report them again. If the school doesn't intervene then get the police involved. I have taken bullying cases right up to the principle and to the point where the police were going to be called in before the bullies finally relented and chose somebody else for their target.

Another thing to do is to NOT SHOW IT BOTHERS YOU. The more they see that stealing your books bothers you, the more they will do it. They wouldn't dare actually throw away your books because they know that would go further than "a bit of harmless fun" and you will find your books again.. even if they are in the hedges. The more you show they don't bother you, the less they will do it because they will grow bored of seeing no reaction from you!

Anyway, hope this helps.

How do you talk to your boss about problem people?

2008-01-28T04:27:00.000-08:00

I have a co-worker who is very demanding, demeaning, and literally just doesn't treat me with any respect. How can I bring this to my boss without looking like a "winer?"